Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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