I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
