okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
