We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
