He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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