he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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