she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
