Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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