My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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