Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
this beer tastes like vomit already
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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