this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
