Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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