Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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