I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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