Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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