Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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