C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are two peas in an std pod
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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