I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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