Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
