nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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