I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
