I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
