I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
