I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
