if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
