OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
