My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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