in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
