The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
