this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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