Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
