I'm jealous of your bromance
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
