Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm like, not good at living.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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