so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
