I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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