hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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