That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
