You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
