end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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