my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
