I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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