i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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