Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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