k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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