I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
