Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
