If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
