Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
