Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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