Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
