Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
