Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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