PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
