Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
