He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
