my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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