You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
