ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
