I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im holly from the hills drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
