singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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