She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
