I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
