Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
