Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
