I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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